A whirlwind of emotions....

Today marks day #25 that my Grandaddy has been in the hospital. At one point he had improved and was expected to go home. Now it doesn't look as if that will ever happen. We are praying even though we have been told that there is nothing more that the doctors can do. He is responsive from time to time by squeezing our hands and blinking to answer us but not talking. He is on oxygen ( but not a ventilator) and a feeding tube. His heart is very weak and at one point was only functioning at 5% but has slightly improved to about 20%. His sodium levels are too high and cannot be maintained. He has a little pneumonia in his right lung and spikes a fever atleast twice a day. They have run out of veins for IV's at this point and they search for new places to give his injections and fluids. However, we have been with him around the clock and even celebrated my grandmother's birthday yesterday. At best, he is stable and holding his own. His defibrillator has been brutal at times but has spared him for the time being. This is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I am thankful for summer vacation and wonderful in-laws so that I can take time to be with my family. We are trying to stay positive but also being realistic. One minute I am perfectly okay with the possibility of his passing and another I am selfishly struggling. I just can't explain it. I know that it is completely GOD right now and I am surrendered to his will. Please pray for us all.

Scott was offered the firefighter job which is a dream come true for our family. He is excited beyond belief and so are the rest of us. He understands my dedication to my family but I feel torn because I haven't been able to really celebrate his accomplishment with him due to the circumstances. I had wanted to have a dinner get together and get this really cute firefighter cake for him but it just hasn't worked out. We will be going to the final job offer in a few weeks and I plan to take him out and celebrate just the two of us then but I know its not the same for him. Also, at this time it would be hard for our whole family to be together due to so many circumstances. I am so proud of him and I know this is just the beginning. I love you baby. You mean the world to me and I love you from the bottom of my heart. You're my rock and my best friend. You're the best daddy and husband in the world and I know you will make a great firefighter.

I have some beautiful beach pics to share with you soon. I just haven't had any time to sit at the computer to work on them. This is really only the second night I've had home and I just want to love on my girl and my hubby. They are desperate for their "momma" time.